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mapping the ebb & flow..

July 2, 2012

the importance of practicing yoga

My desire to live out a spiritual practice in each present moment has been an overwhelming battle lately. The scales are tipped out of balance.

On the one hand, I adore observing the wonders of the world around me. I am humbled by my privilege to live in a neighbourhood where quiet clean streets are scattered with colourful flora and fauna. I stand amongst polite beings in Vancouver crowds and marvel at our uniqueness.

On the other hand, I feed the voice that is my nemesis, my darker self, a girl with no strength, no excitement and no desire for growth. There is a disturbing ease with which I take note of all the blessings in my life while treating my own self like a lost, naïve child. And suddenly all of my joys (and my path) seem veiled with dishonesty.

I wonder if all women embody this dual nature as I do. I wonder what is normal. I wonder how it will all end up. The aha moments are so drawn out these days. Rather than occurring spontaneously over a few days, they now process and sink in over years. They become less climactic and become comparable to … ahhhhhhhh. I allow it all to become: Ahhhhh this practice can feel like a steady uphill climb while coasting through the breeze and Ahhhhhhh I can take my time.

I have been told to feed what pops up. Let it move through. So that what bursts in can be wild and free.

“ ….. a woman has tremendous powers when the dual aspects of psyche are consciously recognized and beheld as a unit; held together rather than held apart. The power of Two is very strong and neither side of the duality should be neglected. They need to be fed equally, for together they bring an uncanny power to the individual   …….         And what are the exact names of these two symbolic sisters in a woman’s psyche? The names of the dualities of course vary from person to person, but they tend to be opposites of some sort. Like much of the natural world, they at first may seem so vast as to be without pattern or repetition. But close observation of the dual nature, asking after it and hearing its answers will soon reveal a pattern to it all, a pattern that is so vast, it is true, but that has a stability like waves ebbing and flowing; its high and low tides are predictable, its deeper currents are mappable   ……..       the instinctual psyche intuitively hears the deep work, the deep music, the deep mysteries of the feminine psyche. It is this nature that is able to know the wild nature in women     ………….   even the most healthy psyche is susceptible to losing its place. Remembering the real task, and reminding ourselves over and over in practically mantra fashion, will bring us back to consciousness.”                                               Women Who Run With the Wolves (Clarissa Pinkola Estes)

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