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Perfect love..

December 15, 2011

I have started to question the benefits of counselling and self-help books. The more work I do on my attitude and behaviours, the more dysfunctional I feel. There can never really be enough journalling or inquiry into the patterns of thoughts and habits. Throughout the various processes of growth and healing, we are often encouraged to go into painful memories or experiences in order to release the burden of carrying them with us into the present.  Perhaps this is where my sense of dysfunction and negativity arises – the stark melancholia that accompanies the growth, the movement away from the past. For me, anyhow. My aha moments in therapy linger for days. I dwell upon how the habits were uncovered, how shocking it is they’ve remained in my subconscious for decades, then I re-analyze the details with close friends for too long. Ugh – for now I want to release the burden of the healing process and think simply about loving kindness.

…”see if you’d be willing to take a moment and explore how it feels to recognize just how much has been given to you. Or maybe you have had a hard time acknowledging kindness shown to you because you feel undeserving, or guilty about not reciprocating. Yet despite these reactions, if you simply tune in to how your body feels when you receive kindness, you will notice the heart naturally expanding. No doubt this is why Rumi recommends that “whenever some kindness comes to you, turn that way, toward the source of kindness.”
As the heart expands in gratefulness, we feel a natural desire to repay the kindness we have received, to give it back somehow. Gradually this develops into a basic wish that all beings be well, that the world live in peace, that everyone find true satisfaction. This is what Buddhists call loving-kindness. “ (John Welwood, Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships)

Yes, it’s true, this is a simple and positive way to create new healthy habits in our daily interactions. Yes, it’s true, this practice has not been important to me in the past so I’m stepping out of the few instances of bullshit in my past and into the vast infinity of loving-kindness.

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