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My dear friends..in my mind

November 23, 2011

Today I smiled through my tears when I grasped how silly my attachment to fear is. Not only was I smiling at the absurdity of reacting out of fear, but also that it’s taken me so long to hear the clanging fearful battle in my consciousness between good and bad, guilt and ease, right and wrong.

Here is where my mind wants to use words to rationalize that times have been tough lately and that stress has been strengthening my attachment to fear. However, it’s high time I stop the insanity. I can stop being controlling and controlled by my analytical mind and my internal battles. I want to let go of all these nonsensical stories of how I should be feeling or how I ought to be healing.

This is my goddam process so I really need to step out of the way for it to unfold. Aha. I guess it’s not really mine. It can just be what it is.

Without the fear. And without my control.

 “We have an appointment with life in the present moment. If we miss the present moment, we miss our appointment with life. We can all understand this.

But our habit energy is so strong… Every time the runaway horse of habit energy shows its head, pushing us on, we breathe in and out and say, “My dear friend, I know you, the habit energy of running [fear].” We smile to it, and it is not able to push us any more. It will go away. Sometime later, if it manifests itself again as a mental formation, we breathe in and out and say, “My dear friend, I know you.” We simply recognize a mental formation. Every time we practice like this, it loses some of its strength. We don’t have to fight. All we have to do is recognize it and smile to it.”

(from Breathe, you are alive! Thich Nhat Hanh)

And that’s just what this life is, a practice of constantly remembering and acknowledging that everything is ok. My mental formations are ok. They do not have to fight against one another.

I can breathe and smile to myself. Let the healing continue.

 

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